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What can we do???

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What can we do???
12/24/03 at 05:23:22

I posted a message here a while ago about myself being the only practising Muslim (well,
my mom sort of as well) in my immediate family. I mentionned how afraid I am that my
family isn't waking up. And, that I don't know what to do. Jazakom Allah kheir for the advice
you shared. I've kept quiet and stayed patient.

Now, things have taken a turn for the worse. The other day most of us were sitting
together and my brother said that he was going to his girlfriend's house for christmas eve and
staying the night :o . We were all shocked, but since we know telling him not to do so,
would push him away, we let it go. I want to just take him aside and advise him but I know
he won't listen to me once he knows what I'm going to say. To be honest, I feel like
smacking some awareness into him. But, alhamdolilla I'm not giving into that urge. What do I
do? It's like he's falling deeper and deeper into a trap.  My mom will go out of her mind
if she finds out he has done something with his girlfriend. She's already sad that he
actually has a girlfriend.  How do we get some sense into him?!?!?  Unfortunately, we don't
have any relatives or friends that would be able to talk some sense into him.

Can you make doa for my family please? Maybe your doa's will be accepted?
Re: What can we do???
12/24/03 at 07:44:59

Just made dua for you ppl. As for the advice, dont work on stems and leaves, work on roots!! Talk to him about blessings of Allah and how we owe each and every thing to Him. Whatever we had in past, have now with us or will have in the future is from the Almighty. And ask him that shouldn't we try to find out or practice what HE wants from us to do in life!

Talk to him about paradise and the concept of "jazaa" (dont go into sazaa (punishment) for the beginners coz it might tick them off). In short, work on the root, the iman and lead by example. Be the best in deen AND skills as i said, lead by example inshaAllah.

Your brother.
12/24/03 at 07:46:38
Re: What can we do???
12/25/03 at 23:33:26

I would suggest to get your mum and your dad, if possible, to compel your brother to attend islamic lectures, preferably on a weekly basis.   Your parents can compel him by threatening to cut his allowance, whatever works.  The lectures would help him remember God, and that his actions are seen by God, everywhere he goes, whatever he does.   Of course, it would help if he attends the lectures with the rest of the family.  Slowly but surely, you will see the changes.    

My brother is changing for the better inshaAllah, I can see the difference after a few months of attending islamic lectures together.  Alhamdulillah...

Of course, keep up with your du'a too.  But remember, your prayer to improve your brother's deen must be with effort from your family.

Good luck, anon!

12/25/03 at 23:35:23
Re: What can we do???
12/26/03 at 11:03:36
[slm] o dear sista i feel like crying for ur situations its really sad  :(ofcourse  we'll make dua for ur family esp for ur brother u no my advice would be same try 2 get paents involved in this or somethin also try 2 get him interested in these islamic websites and lectures it'll help alot sista
Re: What can we do???
12/27/03 at 02:47:47

I appreciate your advice everyone, May Allah reward you with paradise for it. But, my
brother isn't young, he's finished school and working. He's in his mid-twenties. He does not
listen to my parents. My parents are quite saddened by his behaviour. I've been trying to
get him to go to Islamic lectures and check out Islamic websites for years. He gets tense
if I mention anything about the deen.

I don't know what to do besides making dua.

In fact, everyone in my fmaily except my mom does not like to hear about the deen.  The
other night I was given a lecture by my other brother that he didn't like hearing me say
sobhan Allah or alhamdolilla when I speak. It brought me to tears right in front of him.
My mom was sitting with us and she was astonished at what he said. Its simply amazing (in
a repulsive way) to see someone be so insensitive and inconsiderate. Its more than okay
for my brother to swear, be cruel and rude, etc, but for me to just speak the way I
normally do, it makes them uncomfortable :(. He had the audacity to suggest that I should speak
differently when I'm around my family than I do whan I am with my friends. I didn't
answer him, but in my heart I said I'm not a two faced hypocrite. It hurts because I want them
to feel the beauty of the deen that you can never quench your thirst with, that you
always want to increase in. My mom reminded me how Allah sobhanaho wa taala revealed that you
cannot guide thos you love, but only He taala guides. May Allah taala guide us all and
keep us firmly on His straight path. Alhamdolilla I have a sweet mom. She advised me not to
speak with them if they aren't going to listen; she's right (I just always have this
weakness that I fear on the day of qiyama, I will be asked about not reminding those around

If any of you have some wisdom to pass on, please do.
Re: What can we do???
12/27/03 at 06:01:54
[slm] :'(O SISTA i don't know wat u should do now im so sorry all now we can do is make dua i 'll make special dua for sista rite after i log out that is and u also keep the lamp of islam burnin in ur house ok? keep trying rude 2 ur brothers if u have 2 coz they have no rite to scorn and insult islam....
Re: What can we do???
12/27/03 at 06:22:14
I  am  makIng  DUAA   for  you right  after  I  read this. I hope  ALLAH  will  help  and  lead  him to  the  right way .
But I  think  before  you try to   give  him  lectures you  should  study  his  personality  well  .you  should  know  the way  he  likes  to  hear things .H e  might  be a  youth  passing  through  the  hardest   peroid of  life.  He  thinks  what  he is  doing  is  right and it  is  not  so easy  to  stop at  this  age .
Talk  to  him  about  the things  he  likes  even  if  that  is about  his  girl  freind and  even  if  you  don't  like  this  subject .
Let  him  feel  some  one  in  the  family  is  in  his side even  with his wrong  way .
This way  you  will  be  able  to  capture  all  his  thoughts and  system .
He  will  be close  and open  his  ears with  the nice  words  he  likes  and  seems right  in  his  point  of  view ( this might be  hard  but  you  need  to  be  patient )

If  you  could be  freinds besides  your blood  relation . That part  of  freindship  will  be  the  best  and  effective  medicine   as  we  know  we  some  times give  our   private  secrets  to  freinds and  not  family  memebers.
Dont ever oppose any  secret  he has  told   you at  the  very moment but don't   forget what   that secret was ( most  probably  about  his  girlfriend)
To  make  this,  talk  to  him  about   her   a  lot  but   not against  her  

He  will  like  you as  a best  freind ,and  trusts  you . then  if some  day  you  Advice  him  he will  listen  to  you  
But  as soon as  he  starts  listening  dont  give  all  the  advices you wanted  to  tell  him  at once and  as a  hard  lesson  becouse  this  makes  him  dislike talking to  you
Talk  to  him about  religion a  little and then  change  subject to  the way  he  likes ( you  could  have  got  his way )
You  find him  having  questions  in  his  mind  about himself
He  will find  you a  nice  person  and  this  makes  him search  his  mistakes that were hidden  inside  himself  ,he  will  confess  some  mistaks  he  had  been  feeling  but  not sure  it  might be  a  sin or   mistake  .
he  will  try  to ask  you  as a  freind  some  questions  ,he  will  tell  you  when  he  has a  problem with  his  girl  freind  
and  once  he  has  reached  with  you  this  stage , he  is  very  close  to  you  and  any  thing  you say  to  him  is  very  valuable

Try  to   be  close to  his  girl  freind .and  make  the same  steps   and way  you are  doing  with your  brother

I  hope  this way  you can  help  them  both  and   they can    be  wife and   husband  , and  if they  want  to  make a  good end  like  this , this  is  not  bad, at  the same time  they  could  have  understood and  learnt  more    about  the  religion  well  with  your  pateince

I hope  this will work  well  and  good  luck  .



Re: What can we do???
12/28/03 at 01:49:58

Basically, I think the way things like this work out is that fitra, the Muslim's age-old human nature which bore testimony to its Lord Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has to shine through the veils that have come to surround it.

Sometimes, apparently, ALLAH causes the person's human nature to burn through the veils and illuminate the Muslim's way to the straight path after a time of heedlessness; the manifest causes whereby this burning can be achieved include the person's own conscience, exposure to wisdom, keeping the company of people with good morals, etc.; anything that induces good health, like consistent exercise and meditation; these things can help open a person's heart.

Also, the blessing (and advice) of a good sheikh can help. If I was you, and my younger brother was behaving in the manner described, I would physically prevent him from doing so if I could and drag him by the ear to a competent Imam or Sheikh or sincere knowledgable brother and explain to him clearly and forcefully in no uncertain terms the benefits of good behaviour and the consequences of sin. If you can't do this singlehandedly, find somebody in your community who can get this through his addled brain and insh Allah there will be a great reward for all of you with your Creator.

Finally, when you ask Allah for help in this, perhaps you could do so in the last part of the night, during the time for tahajjud, which is the best time for d'ua, and on Fridays, and while travelling, and when it rains; and make d'ua for me and my family too insh Allah.

Jazak Allahu khairan.

bro. octagon :-X
12/28/03 at 01:54:54
Re: What can we do???
01/04/04 at 04:56:56

Thankyou for all your advices.

Sr. Yumna, thankyou for the encouragement. Its definately tempting to be rude, but I
personally don't think its worth the ennergy. Besides, aren't we taught that harshness makes
things worse and that gentleness beautifies things?

Br. Salem, I really appreciate your advice. It was a good and deep reminder. A couple of
years back, my brother and i had a friendship. I blame myself for not putting more effort
into it recently. It just so happened that I went through something difficult several
months ago and I decided to keep to myself more so that I could deal with things better. No
doubt, this slight isolation contributed to him distancing himself as well. Alhamdolilla,
(thanks to Allah first and then your duas), he's started to open up again. Pray for us.
But the thing that hurts more is that his girlfriend is non-muslim and he admitted he does
not want to get married. I feel pain for the Muslim girl he'll propose to in the future.
I don't think its fair that a chaste woman end up with an unchaste man, May Allah taala
purify his heart to see right.

Also, Br Octagon, my brother is older than me, I can't force him to do anything. I'm the
youngest in my family, so its not often that I'm taken seriously. Its rare that anyone
lisetns to me if I mention deen.

After reflecting much, I think I only have myself to blame for this. I really need to
cleanse my heart and make tauba for whatever I've done wrong, so I may see clearly what my
family actually needs to get encouraged. If I were truly a steadfast believer, my actions
would be enough to encourage. Pray for me and my family. May Allah taala guide us.
Re: What can we do???
01/04/04 at 06:01:35
as salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullah anonymous,

sis, one thing to keep in mind is that it is truly Allah alone who guides peoples hearts.  we know that even in Rasulullah [saw]'s own family there were those who did not accept this deen.  We know that Prophet Nuh, alayhis salaam, called his people to Islam for like a thousand years, and he still lamented to Allah:
"My Lord, verily, I have called my people night and day, but all my calling added nothing but to their flight from the truth."[/color]

so.. keep in mind that we will most certainly be called to account for our efforts.. but that their outcome lies with Allah, azza wa jal, and their is wisdom in His decree.

may Allah strengthen you in your struggle, grant you sabr, and open your heart and your family's hearts to His noor.

wasalaamu alaykum wa rahmatullah
01/04/04 at 06:07:57

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