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Bush: The Smartest Man in the World

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Bush: The Smartest Man in the World
03/12/03 at 15:19:19
The Smartest Man in the World
Raid Qusti,

Ladies and Gentlemen: Please put your hands together for the smartest man in the world, Mr. George W. Bush!

Mr. Bush, before I go on any further, I want to apologize for making fun of you over the past two years. For laughing at how the world media has mocked your intelligence. For laughing at all the jokes I read about you on the Internet. And for the remarks I heard over the years from the international media about how unfit you are to be president of a superpower.

I had no idea, sir, that you were to prove me and the entire global community wrong. Many scientists who were failures or dropouts at the beginning of their lives turned out to be geniuses later in their lives.

Though many of us know that there is no link whatsoever between the United States’ need to flush out Al-Qaeda in Afghanistan and the military buildup of nearly 300,000 troops in the Gulf for war against Iraq, you managed to pull it off brilliantly. You are the only person in the world who managed successfully to shift the attention of six billion people on this planet from your war against terror to the overthrow of Saddam Hussein and the destruction, as you put it, of his weapons of mass destruction.

Not only has the world community completely forgotten about Afghanistan, but even world news agencies hardly print a single story from that part of the world any more. We only see a sub-headline every couple of months when a US soldier has died there, or when the warlords and gangsters that now control the streets decide to take matters in their hands and settle old scores. And of course, when the poor new Afghan President Karzai, whom you left helpless after toppling the Taleban regime, gives a press conference stating that he needs your aid and support as you had promised him to rebuild Afghanistan.

And even though Bin Laden has yet to be found after more than a year, and Al-Qaeda — judging by recent bombings in other parts of the world — is still operational, you managed to convince the American people and the entire world of the necessity to leave your unfinished business in Afghanistan (mainly the rebuilding of the country you had promised the leadership and the Afghan people) to wage war against an old foe.

I want to salute you for managing to come up with a new reason every time you want to justify the war against Iraq.

First you told your people and the world that it was because Saddam tried to kill your daddy when he visited Kuwait. Then you said Iraq was part of an axis of evil. After that you said it was because he was a dictator who used biological and chemical weapons against his own people. A few months later it was because Saddam Hussein had links with Al-Qaeda. And lately, it’s because he has weapons of mass destruction.

As for your latest press conference in which you said that you want to topple the Iraqi regime so that the Iraqis can have a democracy and that they would get the oil to build their nation after the dictator leaves, it was superb. Nobody but you could have possibly pulled off such a beautiful stunt. Yes, it might have been an old stunt used in Afghanistan, but nevertheless, it was brilliant.

Yes, Mr. Bush. I can see it now. The heavy bombing of Iraq’s strategic military locations by US planes. The swift action of ground troops afterward. The surrender of the Iraqi Army. Saddam Hussein overthrown. The Iraqi people using their oil wealth to build their nation and prosper. A democratic regime installed that rules the land. It sounds so good. No risks. No casualties.

Once and for all you would have settled your score with the person who almost got daddy killed. You also would end the danger of Iraq sending chemical and biological missiles — that the UN inspectors somehow failed to find — to the United States. You would please your boys and Congress back home and would gain more support for your war against terror. And most of all, you would prove to the world that the United States — the sole superpower and protector of human rights — did humanity yet another favor by scrapping a dictatorship. And again, you would have proven to those Americans who feel doubtful about your policies in the Middle East that Israel is still your only democratic buddy down there — a country that has not abided by a single UN resolution in 50 years.

Mr. Bush, we want to thank you for all your efforts. Not only have you proven to be the smartest man alive, but your intelligence and wisdom have overwhelmed us all. You can return to your recliner now and pat your black dog while the hawks in Washington play the dice.

Madinat al-Muslimeen Islamic Message Board

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