my rights

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my rights
02/22/01 at 02:16:37
Assalamu alaikum all :)

Firstly... My question is this:

What is Islams position on the topic of Choosing a mate.  Specifically,
with repect to a young brother choosing a muslima to get married to.  
Also what are the rights of the parents on him.  The situaution is
A muslim brother wants to get married to a muslima... Through Halal
means he has found out she is willing.  The Father, presumably her wali,
is also willing to marry his daughter to this brother, providing the
elders of the house of the boy forward the proposal...  Now as it stands
the parents..more so the mother of the boy does not approve...because
this  choosing has taken place "in a non traditional" manner.  She
believes that it should be her choice as to whom he sould marry.  

From research that i have done...I have found it to be so... that the
different schools of thought are pretty much of the opinion that no
person has the right to intervene once a man wants to marry a women of his
choice.  (providing that basic islamic tenets are met wrt the man and
woman)....Also in the Quran In surah Nisa verse 3....Allah subhanatallah
tells us ...marry women of your choice...

I am very confused as to where the priorities lie.....As some have said
that obeying ones parents is fard..marriage is Sunnah.....However in
the situation described above...due to the need of the brother and his
iman....It has become a fard on him.  Also having dug deeper it seems
that a person is not really held liable by allah if he does marry of his
choice, even though it might be with his mother's objections.  due to
numerous hadiths and Quranic references on this topic.  Now ...what to

I would appreciate any feedback, thoughts, or maybe some proof with
respect to the argument that Islam advocates the "choice" of the man, and
also his need...

One more thing...what about this...In "Indo pak" communities today
families insist that the daughter be married first...How vailid is
this....and also how are the parents to be dealt with if a son in the house
feels it is time and a person is ready to marry him.....If the parents
refuse to marry him....What to do....????

Your feedback...and advice and knowledge would be greatly appreciated..

jazakallah khair

Re: my rights
02/22/01 at 04:46:19
assalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullah

Just a couple of things to consider:
- There are numerous fatawa at that discuss situations similar to the one you describe. You may want to look at those.
- From what i understand, its not allowed for you to read such fatwas and then go and take an action on what you've read. What you need to do is find a local Imam or shaikh and explain your situation to him precisely, so that he can make a ruling specific to your case.
- You say that its the mother who is one of the main obstacles towards the marriage? Well go thru the father then. In most desi families, the father has the final say in most matters and not the mother.
- Is the brother willing to make a decision on his own even though in the end it may mean that the sister's wali refuses him because he doesn't have the backing of his parents?
- Is the marriage worth upsetting his parents?
- Does the brother have the means to marry? If he doesn't he should fast.

Wa Salaam

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